Birthday Blues

It’s my birthday. Usually I am sad on my birthday, but I’ve done okay today. Even though I am a quarter of a century old (yikes) and want to say I feel like I have nothing to show for it. But then I can compare myself to some of my class mates and realize- well I have a job and a car, a boyfriend, a dog, a house, two degrees, my health….. maybe I do have something to show for these 25 years of being a book worm, horse loving, serial monogamist. At a second comparison, I can humbly see the things I’m missing. I don’t have the carefree attitudes a lot of them are graced with; the feeling of being young. I’m not engaged yet, or even married, which more ppl than you’d think are. I don’t have best girlfriends that are in my every other picture with tons of inside jokes. Two of my friends got married…. And as I scrolled through their wedding pic album… I just overwhelmingly realized I wasn’t in the pictures.

When did I become an outsider to my friends? Why doesn’t my supposed best friend even tell me when he’s in our hometown? Am I at fault? Are they? Is it intentional, or just happenstance? I don’t want to not see them. I don’t want to call them my old friends. I didn’t even legitimately move this time, and I still feel forgotten like I did every three years of my childhood. I never had to make friendships last this long…. I have always left. I have always had to leave. What would have happened if I would have stayed in one of those places? And what is it that makes me lose girl friends? My first thought is that it’s my fault, since I always get so latched into my relationships with boyfriends. Which then brings up the thought that maybe this time, the latching is all consuming? Is that why even my best friends don’t even bother to see what’s up… ever? Have I gone too far with this one?

Lately A has been complaining that his friends don’t ask him to do things as often and now he’s on a hold-nothing-back rush to stop that from getting worse. Is it already too late for me?

Will I be on the outside of my friendships, and my relationship, soon?

Purgatious

 The boy is applying to a new job already. He’s already had two jobs and he’s been slaving working for 6 months less time than me. I believe this job would eventually require a move. Not a far move, but a move that would most likely prevent us from seeing each other during the week. I am quite fed up with this growing up stuff. I either want to be a full blown adult with a house and a spouse and yardwork and what’s for dinner or I want to be a kid that does whatever I want, to suit myself. It’s purgatious (you like that? purgatory turned into an adjective?), this including someone in your decisions that shouldn’t-really-be-included-but-you-want-to-include-them train of thought. It has me frustrated, to say the least. Especially since the inclusiveness is one sided. A move to Texas was considered, sans my weigh in, pre this job. ‘Preciate it boyyyy.

I had off yesterday and went to the doctors. I got my first flu shot. My left shoulder is a tad numb, but nothing else to report. While waiting for the boy to come over for a dinner date, I started sanding this beast below. I’m pretty excited for how this is going to turn out! More details coming soon.

Media Consumption

Books I’ve listened to recently

Strange Angels Series by Lili St. Crow

1. Strange Angels
2. Betrayals
3. Jealousy

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!!! “Defiance”

Everyone Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger

The entire So You Want To Be A Wizard series by Diane Duane

Favorite TV shows

No change here from last season!

Gossip Girl

Vampire Diaries

Smallville

I heard a zombie show came out on AMC, will check that out soon. Also want to watch a few episodes of this summer’s Pretty Little Liars, to see if I like that. It is virtually impossible to watch online. ‘Preciateeee guys.

Movies I’ve watched recently

Get Him to the Greek --------- this was hilarious. D and I watched it over drinks and then the next morning, when A rejoined us, we watched again.

Daybreakers --- the other view on vampirism (aka that its not hot, weird, right?) Pretty good movie compared to most of the slop that’s released lately

Marmaduke ---- Veryyy charming. Who doesn’t love talking dogs?

My review of A Little Bit Married by H. Seligson

hahaha- well it is kind of a review

House Reno one!!!

I am getting laminate upstairs in like two weeks. I have to move everything that is upstairs that isn't large furniture. Ah! that's a lot of stuff. So what did i think as soon as the carpetmanTim said that?! Hooraaayyy finally a reason to unclutter other than my secret crush on uncluttered lifestyles. On Sunday I tackled my school gear. Wow, i will never need to buy another pen, pencil, highlighter, or other desk stocker for probably 20 years- and thats only because the pens might dry out. It felt soooo good. While I didn't throw much out, I consolidated 2 storage places into one, and emptied a large box. Pretty good (felt like i could've gone farther but... baby steps, baby steps).

Here are some of my ideas for the pet room:

1.  Go thru my school stuff (yet again) and get it down to one box. I have like... old college applications. Def don't think I need those anymore. I doubt I need any college stuff either, but I'll keep them for the big scary career's sake.
2. Do I want all those school books?
3. Put that chair up on craigslist.
4. better use Face's armoire if it's staying in the room.
5. Do something with that closet. Okay Tamara, not specific enough. Hmmm breakout:

• can the purses be stored in a more space economical way?
• should probably use the top of the closet more effectively
• do i need 19 backpacks?
• can i get rid of some shoes?

 In my bedroom- as much as I do not like how my dresser is in front of my mirror now because it looks so bulky, i dig having my clothes so accessible. I'd like to clear up some space in the bedroom to compensate. I was thinking of using the file storage thing for actual files (reuse/recycle!) and moving the jackets and tanks into the dresser somehow, or perhaps into the closet. That leaves that corner open, so maybe I could move my sweet trunk over there, and do it up like I thought before with shelves inside. It would actually make a sweet bedside table, but doesnt solve my lamp problem. Hmm Hmm Hmm. I started to go thru my clothes last night and got rid of 3 things. I am pathetic at throwing away clothes! Weird thing is, I actually do wear pretty much all of them once in a while. Haha now that I think about it though, I probably only wear some of them because I feel guilty for not having worn them in so long. Nice....

• I think with a drawer organizer for my bathroom i might be able to consolidate some jewelry storage.
• It would probably be helpful to have some sort of shoe organization... i have to think of the cheapest way possible to do that.
• Do I ever really use the stuff under my bed?
• move the grooming area... combine with desk? Use kitchen table?

I cancelled on Ikea, again. Lisa understood though, and even offered to help!! That will be good because if I try to go through everything in the pet room i will get side tracked ninety times by all my trinkets. Sigh sentamentalism.

This week's stressors

Since I've graduated I've been in what feels like a constant battle with the world. I realize that sounds somewhat militant, or even victim like, and I also try to change how i'm feeling about the "real life" transition. But right now, I'm wondering if everyone feels like I do. I have dealt with so much since I graduated. When I compare myself to my friends most of them have not had to go through as much, but many of them live at home. So have they even truly begun this transitional period? Idk.
Basically, the water problem was supposed to be fixed 3 weeks ago now. This is after dealing with it for 6 months. The fact that they STILL can't find the water, and I STILL do not have parking, is killing me. Maybe I will take up my neighbors offer to park in her extra spot.

Dan told me on Monday that he is going to move out... again. He promised after we went through last time that he would stay until December. He wants to leave in June. THAT's SIX MoNTHS! And I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. After my various roommate experience in college, I don't want to go through the process of finding a roommate. And I don't think I know anyone who I could live with that I already know. And Dan is just... so perfect... as a roommate. Blah. I see no solution to this, besides the wild dream that I don't get another roommate, and I live all alone with that wonderful extra space, and somehow my budgets and savings continue just as they are now. Sigh dreams.

I don't know if it is the low point in my hormonal cycle, but I'm back to completely seeing no silver lining about my job. But moving over to Kennett scares the crap out of me. I'm so worried about long term effects to my career, and I wonder if it's stupid to do that against my happiness right now. But at the same time, it's a freakin career. Pretty effing serious.


Whatever. end: whinefest

MMmm

Yesterday I had rye crackers, mozzerella cheese, and bruschetta for lunch. I dribbled a little balsamic and "EVOO" over it. It was incredible.

Tools!

I finally got my staple gun and two sizes of staples to make my "fabric art". I am also finished spray painting the canvases white- so we're good to go! While I was at Sears getting my Craftsman stapler, i saw the little hand sanders and asked the sales guy about them. There was only a floor model left so I ended up getting the Craftsman mouse sander for 9.97. Totally awesome.

This week I hope to FINALLY call a contractor to give me an estimate on fixing my ceiling in the bedroom. It is looking somewhat saggy so I cannot just drywall-tape over it like I thought. Sigh. I also want to take my fan completely down, spray paint the brass parts white, and change that light fixture. That, combined with making the fabric art, should occupy the week. My mom is coming on Friday to help put together my new furniture that's coming on Friday. I'm taking off to use up my last vacation day from 09. I also scheduled an appointment with Empire. I am still making the last minute decision of whether to get carpet, laminate, or wood upstairs.

Thoughts?

Andalusians

I can't wait to get a horse.

Mike Reed just came by and told me I could go ride at his stable for free so that his young Quarter Horse got some exercise. That's pretty sweet. He told me to just give his wife a call so that people didn't think he was "running around with me."  I loved that, what a gentleman!

But anyways, his wife has an Andalusian mare, palomino I think. Ughhh they are so gorgeous. I just watched a few youtube vids. Awesome movement.

I also really like Arabians the older I get, but feel like they might be a bit small. I guess it will depend on my weight when i get to the right time to buy (finally). An arabian would be good for my endurance dreams. Think about it, miles and miles on a horse through different countrysides... why would I want to do anything different?

House Projects

Some house projects that need tackling as of 3/10/10

All over:
1. New light fixtures that arent from the 70s
  - Outside
  - Entryway
  - Landing
2. Take carpet off stairs, sand and stain stair wood, paint metal

Bedroom
- Fix the hole in the ceiling
- DIY fabric art for above bed
- Nook re-do
- Wire hiding under TV

Pet Room
- Rearrange furniture
- Declutter
- Get new fan w/light fixture

Bathroom
- Renovate

Downstairs
- Pick carpet
- Arrange new furniture- coming soon
- Fix corner bookshelf's cabinet pull
- Make coat closet more usable

Kitchen
- Organize bottom of pantry
- Organize "junk drawer"
- Hang more art

Outside
- Clean and re-stain deck
- Cushion storage?!
- 3x5 rug for porch area
- Research hearty plants that I can't kill


That's all I have in my head now. I hope for this to be a living post.